You never know if you’ll pick fight or flight in a stressful situation until you’re landed in one. You won’t know what your body and mind can endure until it’s faced with its limits. You cannot recognise your strength until that’s all you have.
But what if you don’t pick one, what if you embrace the fight AND flight? What if the flight is actually your fight?
The best way of battling through the trauma or stress could be to take a step back, to let go of what’s messing with your mind. It’ll be a draining experience for you to dance in and yet you’ll only be stronger for it.
Over the last six months, I’ve realised how strong I can be. I am a completely different girl than I was back in summer. Sad girl summer was taken to new heights before I could shed the darkness into a fresh, breathable space.
I’m not at peace with everything about me. I have my flaws, my insecurities but I know my boundaries. I know what to avoid, I can see the harm that was placed to block my way. I can see it as clear as the Tenerife sea (hello Ed baby still a tune) and I know now that I am so much stronger than I ever imagined.
Every year I would count the days, wondering if I’d make it. What would push me over the edge this time? What would break me into the shards I had been left with so many times before?
Yet now, as I piece myself back together I can see a whole new woman forming. The “sit back and take it” attitude is slowly diminishing with a new glimpse of IDGAF, it’s quite nice really.
The world doesn’t seem so haunted once you can see the positives that lie before you.
It’s a scary place, and I know I’ll get knocked down again – but it won’t be by the same hand twice.
I’m grateful for the darkness, as it means I can really enjoy the daylight and that in itself is beautiful.