It’s been a few weeks since my last lockdown life update but I thought it was time to come back with a chatty one to get myself out of my slump. Usually I’m ready with my headings and different aspects but fuck it, I’m here, let’s chat.
We’re now in June, what the hell happened to this year btw?, and I’m thinking about the fact I have a full summer with no plans. None. That used to excite me but it’s now putting me into a mode of panic and distress.
I tend to hit a rocky slump around the start of summer and sure enough, like every other year, I’m struggling to have normality. Except this year, I’ve got lockdown as well as myself to thank for my lack of structure.
I always try to be candid on here, I want to chat about mental health as more than statistics and I want to find the happiness in little things, yet I’m struggling to do more than get out my bed for coffee.
College is done for the summer, I have no hours at work due to COVID and suddenly, there’s all this free time with no way to fill it. I can’t seem to stick to anything and my distraction levels are at an all time high. All I do is watch Netflix. It’s lonely, and suffocating, yet the real world feels even more heavy than the isolated nest I’ve created.
The thing is, there is SO MUCH happening in the world just now and it’s okay that it overwhelms you.
My anxiety and depression feels like a ticking time wave. It’s always just around the corner and it makes the happy times feel almost fake. I’ve come so far and yet the steps back are making me feel, well, shit if I’m honest.
I think that’s what we have to take to though, is admit when we feel like shit. Admit that things are hard and you’re hurting – even if you don’t know or don’t have a set reason as to why.
So, I feel like shit. The world can be a real shitty place and I am overwhelmed at the idea of lockdown staying, and lockdown ending.
Here’s to more positive times in the road ahead and for getting ourselves used to the new normal.
It’s one step at a time. And it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.
Much love, always x
Some important contact information: Samaritans: firstname.lastname@example.org or call 116 123 Mind: email@example.com or call 0300 123 3393 Anxiety UK: call 03444 775 774 Mens Health Forum: www.menshealthforum.org.uk Papyrus: call 0800 068 4141 SANE: call 0300 304 7000 or visit www.sane.org.uk/support Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999 or visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk Please check to see if calls are free on their websites or via your provider